Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
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