Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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