after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
