her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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