god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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