You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She needs sedatives and a leash
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
