Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
