I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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