the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
