the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
As shirtless as possible
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
