lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
