That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
