feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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