i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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