why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Congratulations! We have a period
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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