god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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