She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
