i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
vagina is talking i cant
i came on her dog
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
