God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
