remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
