I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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