Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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