I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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