Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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