I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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