Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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