I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
