He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
