I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
