Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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