Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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