I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
