FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
