Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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