6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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