why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
