My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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