Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
