I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
