My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
