I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
