So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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