some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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