smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
