My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
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So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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