and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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