I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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