I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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