Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
