you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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