Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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