Already got asked if we're dating
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
