therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
