when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
