I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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