i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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