My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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