i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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