my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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