My friends, they love my intelligence
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
