New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
