the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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