I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
