I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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