Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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