I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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