I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
