Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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