Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
