awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
