OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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