Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
