I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
