I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
