I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
