We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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